I was lamenting that with the passing of Heather Christensen, this is the third person I attended school with who has passed away in the last four months. In July, a girl I went to elementary school with passed away from health related problems. I remember Jackie St. John suffered from epilepsy and even had some seizures at school. I am not fully aware of what else she may have had to face in regards to her health, but I know she did not have the easiest life.
In August, Angela Rogers, a girl I went to high school with, passed away from some kind of aneurysm, I believe. She left behind a family, it was sad.
Then just a few weeks ago, in a successful attempt to save a bus load of band students, Heather Christensen lost her life after she was thrown from the bus. I attended high school with her as well and graduated in the same class as she did.
On a side note, another individual I know also left this earthly existence. An officer for American Fork Police Department passed away. It is her death that has really prompted my post today. I was made aware of her death by a facebook friend. My friend was this officer's cousin. The next day a neighbor called to ask if I knew anything about her death. I did not know at the time. I began to do some research to try and find out. Unfortunately, the obituary did not specify on her death. The more I tried to find out, the more I ran into dead ends.
It was a few days later while again reading status updates on facebook that I came across the cause of death. This wonderful officer [because she was truly excellent in her job] had succumbed to an awful lie fed to her by Satan. She took her own life. She had given in to the deception that her life was so awful and she was so low and depressed that the only way to make it better was to take her own life.
Now, I have known other individuals in this predicament, those who have given in and have indeed ended their life. I have known individuals who have tried, but were not successful in ending their life, who then received help, or at least came to some realization that ending their life was not going to make things better. I have also know individuals who thought that life was so awful and they felt so rotten about it that they contemplated death as the only thing to make the pain go away. It is the last group with which I am intimately familiar, as I fit into the last group.
There have been so many times that I have just wished I was dead or that I failed to even exist at all. I have thought about suicide as an option, but have never had the capability to actually take my own life. There have been a number of occasions where I have come to realize it is just Satan, lying to me, prodding me along the road of lies and guilt that have encouraged these negative thoughts to congeal in my head.
It has been through scripture study, thoughtful prayer and pondering, as well as supportive family, friends and church leaders that I am reminded that I am indeed a daughter of God, and am highly valued and special. It is when I feel the Holy Ghost and am reminded of the Lord's love for me, and of Christ's Atonement for me, that I can banish Satan and these thoughts from my head.
It isn't always the easiest thing to do. Not to mention that it isn't foolproof and sometimes it takes longer than other for the message to get through my thick skull, but there are things that help to remind me of the truths and not the lies.
As I apply my own life's lessons to this officer's situation, I have to consider her own background and try to understand her actions. Her obituary was worded in a way to cause me to believe she was adopted. This makes me wonder about her biological tendencies, things she inherited from her biological parents. Then I think about the parents who adopted her. They were mentioned, but listed as having different spouses. So her adoptive parents divorced and remarried. Not only that, but she was preceded in death by a step-mother as well. So she knew the pains of being a child of divorced parents, also the pains of losing a parent to death, even if it was a step-parent.
Then I think about her lifestyle choices. She was apparently raised in the church, or at least with the church in her life at points and such. Her funeral was held at an LDS building, that says something to me. But her lifestyle choices went specifically against the teachings and principles of the church. This I look at because at some of my lowest moments it has been traditionally because of my own choices. These choices were usually sinful ones and I knew I had made the wrong choices and I needed to repent. Satan filled my head with lies and made me feel worse about myself. Satan made me feel like I had made too many wrong choices and there was no way that God would forgive me. So I would just be better off dead. I know those low feelings all too well.
So if this officer felt so bad and was having one of those internal wars about what was right and wrong and feeling so low and in pain that opting to end it seemed like the best option, I can see that.
On the facebook status where a little bit of conversation also took place about her choices. She worked in law enforcement. She saw society at its worse. She saw how suicide can devastate those left behind. She knew how painful it was for those who had to deal with the loss. But she also helped some who were unsuccessful in attempts. She helped them to get through their low times and helped them desire to live life again. She saw the joy of those whom she helped. How much pain she must have been in to choose to end her life this way, knowing she would leave behind people who loved her. Or maybe she did not know, maybe Satan ad filled her head with so many lies and so much despair that the truth was distorted or not even there for her to see.
I feel truly for her family. I feel for those friends she left behind. I feel for those who are baffled at her choices when she was so helpful to them in their time of need. I also feel for the "life partner" she left behind. I may not agree with her choices and decisions, but I pray that the Father will comfort them in this time of grief. I also pray that the Lord will help her now to know of His love for her.
I also pray that others can see that there are better option and that suicide and death are not always the best options. The pain left in the wake of suicide often far outweighs the pain the person felt before ending their life. God loves us. Christ paid the ultimate price for us, sacrificing His life for us, for our well-being, and for our eternal salvation. May the Lord be with all of us always and may we banish Satan away.
Halloween Cut File 3 of 31 - Candy Corn Wreath
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