Sockin' It To The Big Leagues

That's right!!!

The little guy won!!!

Well, in this case the little guy was really me, a gal, and not as little as I would physically like--but in the scheme of the corporate world, I am definitely little.

I have been in a battle in regards to receiving unemployment and it was decided I was let go under other than ideal circumstances and not in extreme fault over my dismissal, so they affirmed the decision to allow me to receive unemployment and the employer has to pay!!! Yay! I'm glad too, because I was feeling so unjustified about how things went.

I still have yet to send my letter to corporate, but I will still send it. Hopefully, with any luck, they won't re-appeal. I am not positive, but I hope they won't.

In other news, James and I had a good day yesterday as we were able to attend a Missionary Homecoming for Brian Berry (As James out it, my brother-in-law in-law--I said it should be brother-in-law once removed). Then later in the day, we went to an open house for a young man in the Marine Reserves who will be leaving soon for Iraq. I made a cake for him last week for his last day at work (that's how James knows him, from work). It was a guy in desert fatigues. I made yellow ribbon cookies to go with the cake. Everyone there enjoyed it.

Other than that, I went to a scrapbooking class Saturday morning and James and I wandered around one mall Friday night and another mall on Saturday before he worked at Hart's. I've been doing laundry today and have to get the house read this weekend for my Stampin' Up! workshop. I'm excited. Going to make cream puffs. In fact I did a test run of the puffs filled with a chicken salad mixtures for the missionary homecoming. I also took chicken long rice, but it needed more chicken broth. The puffs turned out well and Teresa's Grandma Berry liked them, she was eating one when I asked her and then I saw she had another one or two on her plate when she sat down to eat.

James did okay in the house with all the people, but we didn't stay for very long. I claim he's beginning to suffer from I am going to start calling Jim-ism. Not doing well around large numbers of people, or too many people in a small space. If there is enough space he does better. So it isn't quite as bad as Jim, like he doesn't have to sit with his back against the wall. But I think we are all getting to the point where our anxiety really shoots up when we are around a lot of people in a small space.

Anywho, I just felt the need to babble out some of this, not that it mattered to anyone but me, but hey, it's my blob, I can babble if I want to.

Until next time...

Long Day...But what did I accomplish?

Yeah, I did stuff today, but at the same time I feel like all I accomplished was getting a headache. I filed papers and tried to get much of that done. I did my dishes and put them away, still have more to put away. Have some more papers to file as well, but you can only stand to file so many at a time. Plus my finger has an owie on it and it's hard to file, because it catches on the folders and such.

Anyway, yesterday I made two cakes and cookies. The one cake was for Bobbie's husband Jon. It was his 50th birthday. He does heating and air, so I put a swamp cooler on the cake and a guy in a chair and wrote "feeling 'swamped' at 50, Jon?" They liked it. Then, the other cake and the cookies were for a Marine that worked with James at Ace. He's being deployed, and James wanted to make a cake for him. He was so impressed, he got the number from James and called me to thank me for the cake. He was very grateful and polite. I was amazed. But it made me feel good. I was going to post the pictures on mom ad my blog, but the pics don't seem to be showing up, so I decided I wait to see why they aren't showing up.

Anyway, that is what life has been like, I was going to call mom, but haven't.

Until next time...

Others Controlling My Life

Okay, I should be at church right now, but for possible fear of meeting or seeing someone whose path I do not wish to cross, I am sitting at home, waiting for the anxiety to subside and for church to just be over so I can just feel guilty for not going, instead of feeling the "what ifs" had I gone.

I dreamt about what may happen, it's consuming me.

The question is, what should I do?

No More Mr. Guy (or Ms. Gal)

Okay, I have had it and I am not going to stand around and take it anymore!

I've had two things happen this last week that have caused me stress and are making me rethink being nice.

Yes, me, who has been accused of being "too nice" is considering throwing the "nice" out the window and trying a different tactic.

I've had to deal with a former employer saying I shouldn't be receiving unemployment and a hearing for that. AND I got to deal with not just one nasty email, but two from an estranged family member.

This is ridiculous!!! First, I worked my tail off for the employer (who I've been trying to sway people from being customers) and they fired me. So I should be receiving unemployment. They even admitted to not giving me formal training. Keep your fingers crossed (or pray--one of the two). As for the emails, well, it goes back to what happened with James. If you already know, then I'll tell you this, a letter of apology was sent from a dr. office to someone and they decided it was my fault and to get mad at me for it. Then the second message spoke of me telling others about the first message, and them being "appreciative" if I wouldn't go around telling people. ARGH!!!!

Apparently I am supposed to go around and keep myself bottled up and not speak to my immediate family about anything that might upset or bother me. Also, I should be "OVER" things and if I am not, well, then that is my problem.

I'VE GOT NEWS FOR SOME PEOPLE, THERE ARE JUST SOME THINGS YOU DO NOT "GET OVER!" AND IF YOU HONESTLY BELIEVE YOU ARE "OVER" IT, WELL YOU REALLY HAVE LESS CLUE THAN I THOUGHT!

I mean honestly, would you say continuing to shun and alienate family members for something they did not do is "over" it? Come on!

What really is sad about all of this, is I have been trying to think harder about forgiveness and how to go about it, etc. Now I am in the negative so to speak. You know two steps forward, three-hundred steps back. While some may think I do not have anything they need to apologize for and forgive for, they have got another thing coming. I guess what really matters is that I do have family and friends who care for me and are supportive of me and my decisions. The people who really matter and really count.

I know we are all human, but for me I really do want to try and be my best. I want to strive to be Christ-like (which I am totally defeating with this post). There have been many instances where I could have acted out or reacted in negative, violent, or even criminal ways. I have not. I have held my tongue and my pen. I have tried to avoid my negative thoughts by surrounding myself with good things and asking the Lord for help. I vent to those who understand and can offer me different points of view. But I keep many of my thoughts to myself. The thoughts I have of hurting, maiming, avenging, or the variety of other thoughts I have had that keep me awake at night, none have been acted upon, none have been shared with any. So why do I feel rejected, victimized, spat upon, hurt? Why, when I was trying to seek forgiveness for others, did others not seek the same on my behalf? Why must I be treated like a criminal? Why do I get to feel the anxiety, the panic?

I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG!!! I acted in good faith when presented with facts and followed my heart and the promptings I received. I know I haven't been the best example of an active church member. I have struggled in my own testimony, but for individuals who were "supposed" to be "better" than me, well, I see the truth now.

I do know that "better than" is relative and isn't necessarily true. I mean, I shouldn't "compare" myself to others. I very rarely think I am "better than" anyone else (I cannot honestly say I have never thought it, because I know I have). In fact, I tend to believe that others are better than I. I know now this simply isn't true. I have to keep working to better myself and be the best person I can be. But I am not going to compare myself. I am also going to try and not let what others say and think bother me. Although I am seriously considering having some police interference simply because of the potential anxiety and fears I face, whether real or imagined, sometimes it is better to be safe, than to be sorry.

If you have read this far, thanks, I was venting mostly, trying to get thoughts out without being very specific. Although I am seriously considering just getting everything out in the open, no matter what, and no matter who may think I shouldn't have. Not so much out of vengeance or spite, but for the sake of getting it all out in the "open" so to speak, then we'll see who is over what...

Just let me say thanks to my parents, all of them, who have been supportive and have let me know how much they love and care about me. Thanks to a husband who allows me to vent, even from my soapbox. Thanks to a brother who lets me talk to him, and who talks back, whether I may want to hear it or not, but knows that I love him, and knows that I know he loves me in return, NO MATTER WHAT! Thanks to his wife, who is my sister (and treats me as well as any sister I might have imagined I would ever have). And for nieces and nephews that love me unconditionally, because I am Aunt B. And for all the other friends who might as well be family, who love me and care for me, and treat me better than some of my own family members have, thank you all, God has truly blessed me to have you in my life, it is a debt that may never be able to be repaid.

Thank you too, to the Lord, He has watched over me, even at my deepest depths of despair. Like the poem "Footprints," He has carried me, has kept me safe, and has watched over and blessed me, I will never be able to repay Him for any of His help in the past, present, or future. Nor will I be able to repay Him for His Son, for His Son's Atonement for me. But I can be grateful and I can ask Him for more, if needs be, which it likely will. Perhaps I can keep this in mind, in order to help me.

For those who have no idea what I ranted about, well, just keep in mind what I am grateful for, and think about those things for which you are grateful.

Until next time...

Poor Little Bunny

Yesterday, Mom and I were working on two cakes for a regular customer. We got the one stacked, but the icing I put on the bottom layer was really thin and it squished out of the sides. Bummer! But we fixed it with a fondant ribbon. Then, We were working on the second cake which was to be a flop-ear bunny. I got it mostly done, put his ears on, but he fell apart, his head broke right off. It was so sad. So we had to start over. Jim, Ben, and Tish were happy to eat the other dismembered bunny though and James suggested we just put it on a sheet cake with a "tire" track through it. Mom said "no."

The cakes are for twin one year olds. The mom--who is the regular customer--has three boys (one of the twins is a boy) and a girl--the other twin. So she wanted the stacked almost wedding type cake for the little girl and something boyish/Easterish for the boy. Mom got a different pan and has been working on finishing it this morning so we can take it up there. I have to get dressed so I can go with.

I have made jigglers, deviled eggs, and B-Jo potatoes so far this morning. I need to make Smishshamshio too, but don't know where I am going to put it, I am out of fridge room.

So, Hoppy Easter!!! Everyone. Until next time...

So many Realtors... Not Enough Home

This evening Mom and I met James and Jim at the McKay Events Center at UVSC to attend the Spring Home and Garden Show. We had free tickets and we like to go, see new things get a few freebies, stuff like that. I was a little disappointed though. It didn't seem as good as it has been in the past.

I did wrangle a few pieces of chocolate and we got popcorn from two of James's bosses. Chocolate BYU ice cream as well. I bought a cute little bee magnet and we did see a few things we liked, but it didn't seem as full as it had in the past or have enough variety. I don't know... It's just seemed better before.

While we were waiting for Jim and James, we saw these two bloodhounds in the back of a jeep. They kept barking and braying. When James got there he wanted to go see them, but it would've meant having to walk down and then later back up the stairs he'd already walked up once.

After, mom went home (she found her car and did not get lost--which was a very good thing for there were no clothes racks to hide out in--private joke) and James and I went to dinner at Chili's. I still had a gift card and he thought he was whithering away into nothingness. We had a good waiter and our food was tasty as well. The poor people at the table behind and across from us though were really mad, they never got their food and had been waiting a very long time. I think their waiter goofed up, or the kitchen, they were trying to get the manager over to their table and the managers were busy... It was a little tense. I'm just glad it wasn't us.

While we were there I saw one of my former employees from DQ. Kelly's pregnant and her baby's dad (she didn't say husband--so maybe just a boyfriend?) works at Chili's too. When he introduced himself as Shawn I said I was B-Jo and he then paused to ask, "didn't you do the community service stuff?" I told him yes, and he said he'd done hours with me. I 'bout die (from the humor of the whole situation) and James says I am as bad as my Grandpa--can't take me anywhere without me finding someone I know to talk to. Go figure--I thought it was ironic that two youths from my past crossed paths and hooked up. Small world--isn't it?

Now I'm waiting for my food to settle and avoiding the laundry. I still have to work on getting some stains out of one of James's shirts. Guess I should really work on it.

Got some other things to work on as well.

If anyone is inclined, I could use some additional prayers over the next few days while preparing for and dealing with Cabela's (hereafter known as the "scum-sucking pigs" or "the sons of motherless goats") filing an appeal for my unemployment benefits. It stressed me out so bad yesterday, I woke this morning with an extremely upset tummy and running to the bathroom more times than I'd care to admit to. I did some praying of my own, and I'm trying really hard to leave this in Heavenly Father's hands, but I still worry.

Thanks, all, and until next time...

A Little Bit of Service

This morning I went to the Lindon Cannery. It was to do dry pack canning for family food storage. I've never been before, but it was an interesting experience.

We dry pack canned sugar, flour and chocolate pudding. It was kinda fun. Of course I was running the machine. The machine seals the lid on the can. I got flour and pudding all over me, but hey, it was alright.

I bought some stuff for mom and a few things for me and James. The reason it is affordable for food storage is because of the volunteer labor put in to pack it. So I was doing my part. It was neat, I'm going to try and go back again another time.

Until next time...